11:11

There's something about 11:11 that makes me want to post.

I wasn't alone. I knew that. For the first time in a long time, I was connecting- connected- with another person. How in the world was I alone?

Because I wanted to be. That's all I can say. It's all that makes sense to me. How many times have I let myself connect with someone only to have it thrown back in my face?

Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful. Much, much more painful than the others.

So there you were, letting me connect with you. And when I couldn't do that anymore, when I pulled the conversation to lighter topics, you made me laugh. And you were hilarious. You were exactly what I needed.

thirteen reasons why.

there's something about reading that drives me crazy. It makes my heart heavy. i feel out of sorts. reading makes me feel insane, like i dont want to be readying because im always jealous of the lives the characters have. but at the same time i cant stop. reading almost makes me feel at home. i connect better with the characters than i ever have any real human. thats why i love twilight, i dont care how other people feel about it. but reading depresses me because it always comes to an end.

im reading a book right now called "thirteen reasons why". its amazing. its about a girl who killed herself but before hand made 13 tapes and sent them to people. ive neer read a more suspenseful book. i dont want it to end. the girl, hannh, is dead and yet i envy her more than anything right now.

"at that moment, the air felt heavy. filled with loneliness. and that loneliness stayed with me the rest of the night."

Spur-of-the-moment

I'm going on a vacation I don't deserve

I shouldn't be spending other people's money

It's the last thing I should be doing

But I'm looking forward to being able to have my mind clear for awhile

I'm through with the past.

I miss you.

I don't know what else to say to describe it. From the bottom of my heart to everything within me. No creative writing class can help me put these feelings into words. I miss you greater than any feeling I've ever experienced.

i can't tell the difference between when i'm drunk and sober.

i'd rather just always be drunk,

i don't want to be me.

i'm just bored.

and unsatisfied.

and there's nothing i can do about it.

everything is horrible,

i

am

a

mistake

OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO DIE GLENN BECK

yeah, I dunno.

You haunt my dreams.

My days are never ending.

My nights go by too fast.

I hate the night.

I can never fall asleep.

I sleep too much.

I hate being alone.

I hate being with people.

I love being with people.

But I want you to be there, too.

My house is always dirty.

I want to move out.

I want to live here forever.

I want to live on my own.

I want roommates.

I don't like any of my friends enough to live with them.

I love my friends.

But, I don't want to lose them.

I want my parents to move.

I want to go with them.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Well, I do.

I would love to be a house wife.

I know most people hate that,

but I think it's something I would enjoy doing.

I want to marry a man that will come home dirty.

Like the southern man from Sweet Home Alabama.

He's perfect.

I would love having a simple life like that.

I don't want to go to school.

I'm not good at anything.

I have no passions.

All I want to do with my life is fall in love.

Fall in love and see the world.

That's all I desire.

I've found someone who, I think, is the perfect person for me.

But he doesn't like me.

He did, but I ruined it.

And the timing is off.

Because nothing ever goes right.

I'm so sick of nothing in this house ever fucking working.

I feel trapped.

I'm going crazy and there's no way out.

People Dying Never Died Before

Narcoleptic days are followed by incoherent nights.

The world is nothing more than a drunken stupor,

buzzing and hazed.

The dim yellows and browns drench the night

like a sudden storm.

But it was not sudden at all.

It was expected, as it is known.

It is known in the distressed zombies that walk the night's streets,

in search of just one more bite of flesh.

Which admittedly is only a drink, or two, or three...

One drink, or hit, for the changing faces of strangers

(which really are always the same).

Bob Marley and Beatles posters line the walls of those strangers' rooms,

where the frightened enter heavy and worried.

But the frightened leave flying,

no, soaring and happy.

But they are still worried, it is only hidden now.

The yellow haze never gets old,

when all you've known are dark clouds.

These words are my own,

I know what I know and have known.

I can never step down.

I want to feel special.

I miss how excited you used to be to talk to me.

I want that back.

one day I'll fail to breathe

and all you'll have are memories.

I've been thinking about being healthy.

If you eat healthy and don't drink soda your teeth will be better.

If you eat healthy you have more energy, thus making you want to work out.

If you work out you look better, giving you more energy, keeping you from sitting around being bored all the time.

michael scott.

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something